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What better way to get to know the man behind these cars and this web site than to crawl inside his head and see what makes him tick... and what makes him TICKED. Ok, so you are not going to actually crawl inside of my cranium (ouch), but this will be the next best thing. In some ways it may be better since you'll have more leg room and none of that funky smell. Oh, and no offence to anyone if something I write about hits home. You'll just know not to bring it up around me. :)

Some mental food:

Following the crowd provides security
Cities alienate people
Many of the things you want are worthless
If you try... congradulate yourself
Surviving can take a lot of energy
Everything's an integral of everything else
Almost no one finds their match
Strangers don't want to know you
Nature always wins
We all want the same things
You have chosen everything that happens to you
We are part of the land
People want to look nice
Loneliness is not contagious
Violence is passed through generations
Crowds create their own power
Everyone you meet is a mirror of yourself
Things left undone become harder
Progress takes time
Experience gives you options
The range of personalities... endless
Most weirdos want to be
People are attracted to what they can't have
Defense mechanisms are inherited
Power is passed to those near it
One size fits all... doesn't
Western man is too seperated from nature
People interests should come before business interests
You can only screw yourself
Self esteem is basic to success
It will be a long time before safe is sex
Pain inside shows
Only certain types are religious
Many artists... aren't
You can have anything you want
A court of law is designed to intimidate
Stay in touch with your inner self
Living increases knowledge
...and when you die... you're dead

Why is it that people are always giving me static because I ride a motorcycle by telling me "Motorcycles are dangerous"? I used to just be like "ok, whatever" but now it's really starting to get to me. My reason is simple.. Motorcycles ARE NOT dangerous, it's the people in CARS that are!! Just last night I was watching the movie "Cool World" and in the opening scene the main character gets a motorcycle. (I believe it was taking place in 1954). Anyway, his mom tells him to be very careful on it. They then both go for a ride on it and down the road a drunk driver comes flying out of a side road and runs into them, killing the mom. See, there's my point! The motorcycle wasnt dangerous, he didnt cause the accident. It's the guy in the car! Out of all the crashes out on the roads, how many are actually caused by the motorcycle? Very few. If there were ONLY motorcycles out there, I really doubt there would be any crashes. Motorcyclists have a higher level of skill, they are more aware of their surroundings, and they dont have a radio or a hamburger to distract them. Now on the other hand, how many car vs car accidents are there each DAY? And I'm sure a very high percent of them are caused by drivers not paying attention. Yeah, you can get killed EASIER on a motorcycle than in a car, but the CARS are the dangerous things out there! More specifically, the people DRIVING the cars. As far as the saying "people get killed on motorcycles", well yeah.. they do. But people also get killed in cars, trucks, walking down the road, eating, breathing, even sleeping! So I don't wanna hear that. So you may be thinking, "he's probably never been in a crash, that's why he doesnt think they are dangerous." Well, I HAVE been hit on my bike. HARD. And by a CAR. He was completely not paying attention and was much more of a danger on the roads than I was. He was not paying attention to anything at all.. hell, the only reason he stopped after the hit was because my back hit his rear tire so hard that it broke the spindle and the car wouldnt move. Or else he would have kept going not knowing a thing... now THAT is dangerous.

I'll take this time here to go over the list of things that really get to me. Some may think these things are all trivial, or that i'm just retarded for caring about them, and that's fine. But for some reason, all of these things know exactly which buttons to push.

#1 Asian kids that drive Japanese cars. I don't know what it is about this combination, but it's extremely irritating to me. Maybe it's because it's like the car/driver duo got transported right from the streets of Tokyo where everyone is Asian and everyone drives "domestics"? Or maybe because it makes me think that the Asians have some kind of attitude and this is just part of them being stuck up. It's like they're saying "We're going to bring our family to your country, abuse affirmative action, become superior to you, and then drive our native cars because we don't want anything to do with you." Ok, so maybe that was reading into it a little too much. But every time I see an Asian kid driving a ricey Integra, Civic, or even a non-ricey Nissian 240sx, it makes me bite my lip. It's kinda like since the Import thing is the fad right now, being Asian is a fad too, buy you can't buy it. So that automatically makes them 100 times more pimpin than anyone else. Plus, they got that damned year round tan!

#2 Vanity Tags with the owners initials. Ok, this one falls under the category of "No Shit, Sherlock. Now go away!" What I'm talking about is when people (usually older people), get vanity tags for their cars with the couple's initials on it. For example, it would say "JSB DCB". Yeah, that's all fine and cute. It sets their white Skylark apart from all the others in their "community", but come on.. are the "B"'s really that necessary?? That's what I can't handle. I see those plates and think "Really? Both of your last names start with the letter "B"?? You must be brother and sister! No, wait.. don't tell me... you're married?? Is that why you live together and drive the same car?" It should be assumed that if an elderly man and an elderly woman are driving down the road at 15MPH in their white Skylark that they ARE married and have been for the last 58 years. If they want everyone to know their names that bad, they should just put "John" and "Dorothy" on the plate. Then at least when we are behind them in their "private parade", we know what to yell!

#3 People wearing jersey's to football games. Obviously there must be something that I'm missing in this phenomenon because I find it somewhat irritating. Especially when it's accentuated by those damn flags that you put on the windows of cars. One night I was at work driving at around 12:30am (I was tired and having a hard night) when a group of mainstreamers passed me with their larger-than-life Ford 4-door pickups. They were coming back from the Bucs night game. As they go by me, I see one of those flags on each of the 4 windows beating in the wind. I look at the passangers of the truck as they pass and notice they are all wearing Buc jerseys. They also had a couple stickers of the Bucs helmet on the doors of the truck. Can you say "Obsessive Compulsive"?? I mean come on now, do you have to get THAT wrapped up in the team? It's sick. But they are not the only ones.. thousands of people at the games are wearing jerseys and the parking lot is full of those DAMN ANNOYING FLAGS! Yes, we know that you all like the bucs, that's why you are at the game. So enough with the jerseys and flags! I could see someone wearing a fishing shirt to a game, then everyone would go "oh, he likes football because he's here, AND he likes fishing because of his shirt. Wow, that's neat." But nooo, they gotta pull up to the stadium with stickers all over their cars and flags on every window just like every other person. Then they get out and every person in the vehicle has on a jersey. Gee, seeing that at a football game, I would have never thought that they liked the game if it wasnt for the fact that they were dressed like a football player as if it's Haloween. That whole idea has to be almost as big of a fad as SUV's.

#4 Buy 3 tires, get one free. I'm sure there's tire stores in other parts of the country other than locally that have these sales "Buy 3 tires, get one FREE!", right? I have also seen brake shops advertise "Buy 3 shocks, get one FREE". This is a pretty crafty ploy of theirs to lure people in. People hear the word "FREE" and they drop what they're doing and rush over to the place. But here's the catch.. Who is going to only buy 3 tires?? I dont know about you, but all of MY cars have 4 tires, and when they need replacing, I replace all 4 at once. Ok, so here's the situation.. My car needs tires. I hear an ad including the word "FREE" in it so I rush on over. They fit my car up with tires and give me the bill. I shreak! "This doesnt seem like I got anything free, look how much it is!" The man responds, "Well, our ad was for buying 3, but you needed 4." WHAT'S THIS WORLD COMING TO!?!? Must we always trick one another??

Hehe.. ok, I admit that this REALLY isnt something that pisses me off, and I know exactly the point behind the buying 3, getting one free. But sometimes I go on a rant about this in front of my friends just to be a dumbass. Hey, they find it amusing! Then when I try to redeem myself by saying, "I was just messin around, I'm not that stupid." They all go "suuuurrreee". Gotta love 'em. =)

#5 K&N Filter stickers. If I were president, I would declare it a LAW that K&N is no longer allowed to put their logo stickers in the filter packages. In order to get a sticker, you must prove that you are involved in drag racing and you only want the sticker for continguency purposes. Why would I pass this law? Because I'm sick of all the little poser kids on the road that hear you can get "15% more power" by throwing on a K&N. So then they go out and buy one, have their mechanic install it (Because they don't know what a screwdriver is) and then they put the K&N sticker on their back window because their car is soooo baaaaad now. It has so much extra horsepower that it must be differentiated from the other Cavilers. Whenever I'm behind someone with a bone stock car and a K&N sticker on the window, I want to pull up next to them and go "Ohh noo! Mr Big Man has a K&N in his car!! Ohh, I'm so scared!" But then I realize that I'm driving my P.O.S. Honda and he could just leave me in dust even without the K&N. =) Maybe I should put the N.O.S. sticker I have laying here on my Honda's back window.. that'd be a riot!

#6 Windshield washers in traffic. Why does it seem that some cars have windshield washer sprayers that aim about 2" higher than the windshield? And that the people driving these cars have a compulsion with ONLY cleaning their windshield when they are driving in excess of 40MPH. And furthermore, whatever dysfunction that they have which makes them do the above mentioned task, also causes them to clean their windshield for about 5 minutes at a time!! WHY?? I mean, I'm just minding my business driving down the road on a bright sunny day, then some jackass ahead of me turns on his or her wipers. My heart skips a beat and I frantically search for another lane to change into. No luck, I'm boxed in. Is this a conspiracy? Do the other drivers see the wipers first few passes and want to force me to suffer as I see my death slowly creep upon me? Are they laughing when this is all taking place?? Then it comes, judgement day. I see the stream of water spraying against the windshield of the car ahead of me. A moment later MY windshield gets lightly misted with water. The car ahead of my keep doing it, and I keep getting misted. THEY JUST WONT STOP until the resevoir is empty!! Finally they stop, but it's too late. My windshield has a nice even light mist completely covering it. There's nothing I can do but look thru it, as it's too much to evaporate quickly, yet too little to turn on my wipers. I tired that once though.. It just creates a huge muddy smeared mess. So there I am, driving for another 1/2 mile waiting for the water to dry. And when it finally does, I'm left with all kinds of little water spots across the glass and where it partially cleaned the dirt.. more like it pushed the dirt into bigger irregular clumps. So now I must find a gas station and stop and clean my windshield because of the moron ahead of me that couldn't wait till he/she got home to clean the ity bity bug off of their windshield which was causing such a huge blind spot. ARGH!!

#7 Crash Tests/Geico. Maybe it's just me (again, LOL), but I find crash tests very insulting. It seems the world views them as a good thing and that it is best to buy a vehicle that has had proper testing. I see it from a different side. When I hear about and see car companies crash testing their vehicles, I can't help but laugh! Why? Because they are pretty much saying that the people who will be buying the vehicle will probably crash it. They crash the car into a brick wall going 80MPH, but why?? Are they saying that the people who buy the car are so moronic that they WILL drive the thing into a wall at 80MPH? LOL!! I find it extremely amusing! I guess, to me, that crash testing says a lot for what type of people the company thinks are going to buy their cars. Probably the only REAL reason they spend all that money testing, is because when the brain dead person buys that Explorer and rolls it over 8 times on the interstate, Ford wants to make sure the person will live so they can buy another car from Ford. "Oh, I'm a dumbass that can't avoid brick walls. Thank goodness Ford spent millions of dollars testing on my behalf. I think I should buy a new car from them because they have obviously thought out every possible way I can crash a car."

On this same idea, Geico has a series of radio ads going right now that are supposed to be "cute". Example: The radio announcer says "To prove that Geico can save REAL people money on their insurance, we have Mary here. Mary, please state your name." "My name is Mary Johnson." Announcer says "Mary, are you a Geico customer?" "Yes" "There you have it, Geico can save real people money on their car insurance." Ok, I know they are just acting all dumb, trying to be cute, and making the commercial into a big pun, but I take it a different way. I think that their commercials that put words into people mouths show that the company is very sneaky and I wouldnt trust them with my money. I could see me filling out the forms and it says something like "we will pay for the damages if you are involved in an accident". Then the times comes when you get hit and they say "Sorry, we can't give you any money because it specifically said "..if YOU are involved..", when in reality, your CAR was involved. Sorry we couldnt help!" Argh..

#8 Temp Tag Paper lines in Window. Here in Florida, the temp tags that get issued are about the same size rectangle as the normal tags. Along the top and bottom edge of the paper tag, there is an adhesive strip so they can be stuck to the inside of the vehicles rear window. However, when paper tag is removed, usually instead of the adhesive pulling from the window glass, it just tears the paper off the tag leaving two parallel lines on the window made of paper. I'm under the impression that the DMV uses a certain space-age adhesive developed in part by NASA and the F1 racing teams. There may also be a rumor going around that if you happen to be in a high speed chase and the car behind you shoots a Russian laser guided missile at you, and the missile happens to hit the adhesive on the glass, it simply self destructs because of the strength of the glue. Ok, maybe I'm making this up, but it MUST be some type of super-duper strong glue because EVERY SINGLE person who has put a temp tag on their back window has those two paper lines for the rest of the cars life! It's only glue people! You already made the effort to crawl in the back seat of your car to rip the actual tag off. Was it that much more of a painstaking effort to razor blade the glue off?? Every time you look in your mirror and see those paper lines, it doesnt bother you? You dont think "I must look like a total moron for not cleaning the glue off"?? It takes what, all of 1 minute and zero skill to make two passes of the blade, and it increases the cosmetic value of your car by 500%. Jeeze, I mean if I just spent $20,000 on a new car, I would want it to look like a $20,000 car! I wouldnt drive around with remnants of the temp tag on the window for the next 3 years, making my brand new car look so ghetto and everyone behind me to know what a lazy ass I am. Or if the whole razor blade thing is too much trouble, just put the paper tag in the spot where the license plate is supposed to go! Pop two holes in it and put the bolts thru it. The tag office will even give you a plastic sleeve to put it in so it wont get wet. But, if you want to look like a moron, go right ahead.

Inspired by Gary Donovan's "What's New" page, where he wrote:

"It's incomprehensible to me that the have a ballot system in Florida where you can VOTE TWICE on the same ballot. What are you people stupid? Your just asking for trouble doing this... "

Now, me being a Florida boy and also fed up with this nonsence, I HAD to chime in. I think the majority of people in Florida understand that you can't vote twice. It's the incrediably moronic retired old people, mostly from long island, and mostly jewish, that live in West Palm that cant figure it out. All 3 of those adjectives I just listed make for a person who is loud and complains a LOT. I'm sure you've seen a picture of the "butterfly ballot" they used. How difficult is that?? There's an arrow pointing right at the hole you punch! If they can't figure that out, they deserve to have their votes thrown out. And on that note, if they realize they mess up on the voting, and then vote twice.. shouldn't they think that something might get messed up because of that? Maybe that they should get another ballot or tell someone before they leave? "Oh gee, i figured they'd know which person I meant to vote for". I mean, come on now. It doesnt surprise me though.. it's the same damn old people that run me off the road EVERY DAY at work. The ones that pull out directly in front of me and then go 15MPH while i'm screaming and honking and they don't even turn their head. I drive up next to them and throw pennies at their windows (which do no damage, but make a LOUD sound). And they STILL dont even blink! That's one of the things I hate the most about Florida... all these old people. Driving down Gulf Blvd with all the old people tourists trying to find their condo's is rediculous.. unfortunatly I must do it all the time. Here's my plan for the election crap: Throw everything away. Stop the recounts, stop the arguing. Forget about it all and we'll try again next year. But DONT LET FLORIDA VOTE! (we are the ones that screwed it up this year). LOL..